what day is it and did you see me today?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
