We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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