It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there was a trapeze. enough said
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
