the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize