Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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