i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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