My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
