dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
