i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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