summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the liver wants what the liver wants
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize