btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to sanitize my soul.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
