His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
