You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
