My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
