I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
