Its about making memories worth repressing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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