If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
