he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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