The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
