Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize