I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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