When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
