i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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