Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
