is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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