I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
