I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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