That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
