You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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