was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
