her vagine was all disorganized.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
