Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
zippers are such a cool invention
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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