he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize