Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize