1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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