did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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