Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
