We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
