doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
