I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This baby is an asshole
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
