seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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