its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
