jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
