Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
