Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
