Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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