I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
