Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
