I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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