What a fucking waste of an outfit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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