I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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