dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
