a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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