My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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