we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
