So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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