just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
