i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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