She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
