Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
