I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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