he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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