I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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