i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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