I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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