you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
