im six kinds of drunk right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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