I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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