Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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