Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
