just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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