I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
