shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish you could order shots online.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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