Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just forgot I was standing up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
