jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
