Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
