Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
