Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
