My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
pray to the hookup gods
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
