Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
