i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
