did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
