She is in my trunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
