When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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