dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
