Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
