i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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