so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
