My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize