my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
