do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
