The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
