You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
