I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
