I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
