I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
