I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
