6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
