where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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