My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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