mondays should just be called national damage control day
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
