im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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