someone threw a dead crab at me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
