Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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